Sense Should Be Common
I couldn’t take it anymore. This beautiful Christian woman, lamenting about how she followed Steve’s rules, and she still didn’t find herself in a healthy relationship. I was dumbfounded.
I am not and never will be a fan of Steve Harvey’s relationship aficionado status nor his attempt at relevant authorship through his ridiculous book, Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man. However, I am a purveyor of Black culture-popular and substantive alike. Therefore, I read it. And out of all his misogynistic ramblings, one point was made that I have found to hold truth.
Women need standards. Get some.
That ounce of truth is how Steve duped some of the most intelligent and God-fearing women I know into following the rest of his reckless male-centered and Christ adverse advice. His over-arching theme made perfect sense. But the avenues he spelled out to reach standards were hot garbage. (A 90 day rule? Really? So what I’ll just delay my sorrow. Now I can put the day it’s all going to fall apart on a calendar?)
So, today, after hearing another woman gripe about how Negroes ain’t ish. I decided to write about the standards that matter for ANY woman that desires a good and GODLY mate.
I’m telling you right now-it has NOTHING to do with what’s between your legs!
1) Standard of Living: What is your standard of living? How much does your household need to earn? What kind of house do you need to live in? How much do you need give to others? How much do you need to tithe? What kind of car do you need to drive? Where and how often do you need to travel? Before you try to enter a serious relationship you need answers to all of these questions, because any REAL man is going to want to know your answers to see if he can accommodate, compliment, and yes upgrade you ( as you do the same for him!).
Before you Shout Yes and Amen: Here’s the kicker. You have to HAVE this standard. That means once you answer all of those questions, your life should be a testament of your answers. If you want to travel the world, but you’re waiting for a husband to get a passport-that’s not a standard. That’s a fantasy. If you want a Range Rover, but haven’t gone back to school to get the salary you want and disciplined your credit. That’s not a standard. You know why Jesus can hold up the blood stained banner? Because he died on the cross!!!!!!!! Sacrifice. He died to purchase what he wanted-YOU. What have you died to, for the relationship you want?
2) Standard of Interaction: The Rules of Engagement: You control this. If you keep meeting gutter dudes and ending up in hopeless relationships-you let each and every one of them in. I had to admit this to myself. Accept it. Yes-it’s your fault. Go ahead, and cry- I’ll wait. But now that you know better, YOU CAN DO BETTER.The 20 or so ridiculous, silly, or just plain foul dudes that I allowed in my life one way or the other during my twenties; yeah that was my entire fault. I’ve learned that If you control nothing else, you control who you let in your life. Learn to use the very short and powerful word-NO!
Before you Shout Yes and Amen: Here’s the kicker. You have to be in love with yourself to exercise the word no. The only thing that will stop you from giving that no good dude with exaggerated potential all of your hard earned fabulosity, is a healthy dose of self-love. I’m sorry I can’t sugar coat this for you. I know this is true because I have lived it! When you settle-that’s self-hate. Sorry. Learn to choose! If he’s not worth your time, love yourself enough to say no.
3) Standard of the Cross: Is the man saved? Does he know he was bought with a price? Does he understand he’s nothing without Christ? Does his pride fall at the mention of what God brought him out of? If you can’t answer yes to those questions, and you say you want a Christian man-RUN!
Lord, I wasted So much time on men who were “good” but not “saved” (not in the Christian colloquial use of the term-I mean he serves Christ with his whole heart, living with a goal to please him above all else.) At the end of the day, months, and even years the man was good-but not SAVED!!!! You can’t save him. I don’t care how many tongues you speak. How tight your prayer life is. You don’t control ANYONE”S salvation. And if he came into the interaction serving anyone else but Jesus the Christ (including himself) then chances are, until he surrenders to Christ (not you) that’s what you’ve got. When a man shows you who he is-believe him the FIRST time(Thank you Maya Angelou).
A good man will not curse you out, but will he understand why you’re keeping your body Holy unto God-and can’t give him all the good loving (because don’t trip-it’s good) stored up for your husband? A saved man will be an accountability partner for that goal. (I PROMISE!)A good man may help you when you’re in need, but will he be able to pray when you’re sick or have a problem his wallet won’t fix? A good man may understand you, but will he understand your destiny in Christ? You’re reading your word and maturing daily, uncovering spiritual gifts, and interceding at 4am, while he’s watching basketball and going out to “kick it”. And you’re wondering why your relationship isn’t working? Or why you’re bogged down in worship? Help us Lord! Raise your standard to the cross! If he hasn’t laid at the base of it and surrendered all…Love yourself enough to say NO!
Before you Shout Yes and Amen: Here’s the kicker. You have to be “SAVED” first. That is all.
My sisters, I have found that if we keep these standards raised, wondering about whether or not a man will steal your cookie and leave at the crack of dawn-is a NON ISSUE!